I started blogging the same year blogging became an option. (Yes, I know I'm old.) Over the next few years, social media took off and I gradually joined almost every platform. I never set out to be an influencer; instead, the title just came to me.
Mommy influencers are popular, but I'm not one of those types of influencers. I focus on breast cancer advocacy, being an adopted, multiracial family, living with type 1 diabetes, and anything else I love. Yes, I can do it all.
Related article
Warning labels on social media sites: Why the Surgeon General thinks it's a good idea
I have a huge love for social media, which allows me to connect with women all over the world, share my opinions, and educate my followers on topics that are important to me. But this isn't my only job: I'm also a freelance writer, have an Etsy shop, give talks, and write books.
I have received harsh criticism, trolling, and outright hate, most of whom are white men who disagree with my politics. Eh?advocacy for women, children, people with disabilities, and people of color. I don't respond to comments, but I'll share some of the nasty things people have said to me here.
One man said he hoped I would get cancer again and die. Another called my children racist names. One of our family photos was stolen (which I have never shared publicly) and appeared in a racist YouTube video. One woman messaged me a photo she had edited to make it look like I was wearing makeup to “look better” (it was a photo from when I was going through chemotherapy).
A couple of people claimed I’d plagiarized parts of my book, without any evidence, in an attempt to hurt my sales. (In fact, I had written permission from every expert I quoted or paraphrased.) Another person kept claiming I was secretly Chinese, which I refused to admit. (A DNA ethnicity test showed I wasn’t, but oh well. Why would that matter anyway?) Another poster left a comment saying they didn’t like my tan lines. What’s worse is to complain!
Related article
Warning labels on social media sites: Why the Surgeon General thinks it's a good idea
Luckily, I am level-headed and don’t believe any of these opinions or claims. I also don’t respond to the haters. They just want to pick a fight and I refuse to add fuel to the fire of their anger. They want something.One It's something to be angry about, and unfortunately, sometimes that's just me and my job.
My experience has made me realize just how dangerous social media can be. I have taken, and continue to take, every precaution, but people still find ways to torment and bully me. I know it's not wise to open obviously creepy DMs, much less reply. My time and energy are valuable.
As a mother of four children, two of whom are in their early teens or pre-teens, I have chosen to keep my children off social media, and even though there are children much younger than them (some of them around my age) who enjoy the freedom of many social media platforms, they understand my rules and why.
One of the reasons I tell my kids this is because they are generally happy with themselves and have accomplished a lot in their lives – they have loving families and friends, fun extracurricular activities, school, and hobbies – why should they need to be distracted from these to be conditioned to hate themselves and others, and also to be a target for all sorts of creeps and trolls?
Some of you may think that you have parental controls, but let's be realistic. They are not enough. Some of you may believe that you need to learn to trust your kids. It's not my kids that I don't trust, it's strangers on the internet.
I asked Sanam Hafeez, PhD, a neuropsychologist in New York City, for her thoughts on the matter: One of the downsides to social media use among teenagers is, of course, that it can be a huge distraction from teen responsibilities like homework, chores, and family dinners.
Dr Hafeez is a mother and mental health professional. She said she is “very concerned about social media,” adding that she is “most concerned about its impact on young girls who are looking for social approval and validation.” She also says that social media presents a distorted idea of what is attractive. Hello, filters!
Dr. Hafeez acknowledges that the pandemic has been difficult for parents. Many of our children have had screen time privileges that were not allowed before. Now we regret allowing them then. Is it too late to change the boundaries around screens and social media?
I vote no, but I strongly encourage a family meeting before getting frustrated and cracking down or using screens as punishment. Everyone should be fed, well-rested, and prepared to have calm, constructive conversations. Parents and caregivers need to be prepared to set firm boundaries, while also leaving room for their children's opinions and ideas.
My goal as a parent is safety first. Safety isn't always fun (especially with teenagers). But kids' brains aren't fully formed until they're 25, so it's our job to set boundaries and expect them to be followed. Devices are a privilege and a powerful tool that can be used for good or bad.
I would rather be strict with my children than adopt an anything-goes attitude and increase their risk of anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, and even suicidal thoughts. Children, including teenagers, can easily be lured into dangerous interactions with strangers or become targets for bullying because of their appearance, opinions, or other reasons.
My stance on teen social media use is not very popular, but the teens we know who are addicted to social media all seem to be so addicted to it that they suffer from what they see and feel as a result. Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, and if I can slow down or remove even a little of that suffering from my kids' lives, I'm all for it.
These celebrity parents are honest about their rules when it comes to technology.
