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A family member recently passed away and I received a six-figure inheritance from a trust. I already have a financial advisor and am working on a plan to save/invest half of it and give away the other half. My question is, how do I bring this up to my friends? I earn a decent salary in my civil service job, but I still have student loans to pay off. Regarding my immediate daily life and lifestyle, I don't expect this money to change anything much. But there's a difference between suddenly having retirement savings and the peace of mind of being able to donate large sums of money to nonprofits and grassroots organizations that I care about.
This is not money that would suddenly allow me to stop working and live a luxurious life as a young person, but it is a huge amount of money, and I feel very blessed to be able to have it. I haven't told any of my closest friends about this yet, so it feels weird to even tell them about this, but it feels even weirder not to share any information at all. Also, I used to be one of those people who rolled my eyes at the carefree lives of “trust fund” recipients, but now I'm one of them.
My friends are empathetic and rational, but I feel self-conscious about having acquired so much money without doing anything. How would you recommend talking to a friend about this?
Inheriting money can be unsettling, especially if it results from the death of a loved one. You seem to have great plans for what you want to do (donate to causes you care about and save the rest). It's nice to have a financial advisor to guide you.
However, sudden changes in economic circumstances can also lead to isolation. Previously, you were in the same position as your colleagues and could afford similar things in relation to each other's financial challenges. You're not going to quit your job or buy a yacht right now, but this money will take you to another resource level. Of course I'm very lucky, but it's also a little sad.
I understand your desire to talk to your closest friends about this, and your concerns about how it will affect your relationships. If there's one thing everyone has an opinion on, it's other people's money, especially when it comes from a trust fund. It is wise to think carefully about this.
To find the best way to broach this topic, I spoke with several people who have worked with wealthy families for generations. Ellen Perry, founder of Wealthbridge Partners, recommends starting by considering her three questions: why I want to tell someone who what you want to convey, and how You want to tell them.
“I've had many clients over the years ask me questions like, 'When should I tell the person I'm dating that I have this money?' Should I pick up the bill because I can afford it, or will that mess up the dynamics in the relationship,” she says. “Essentially, these are questions about identity, belonging, and trust.”
The first step is to think about your purpose. “Ask yourself, 'What am I looking for? Is transparency and openness what I need to deepen my relationship?'” says Perry. It's normal and healthy to discuss and deal with changes in your life with those in your inner circle. Revealing this news may feel like a natural part of a close friendship. And withholding it is like hiding something. These are all good reasons to raise this issue, Perry said. (Conversely, bad reasons include trying to gain status with money or trying to impress people, though it seems like neither of those are really your problem.)
Let's consider next who I would like to be specific. “When you publish something private or sensitive, you need to decide whether the recipient can trust you,” Perry continues. “Could it destroy the friendship in some way? Will they tell the other person?” It will be a friend-by-friend rating. If your instinct is to remain silent out of self-protection, pay attention to that intuition. Although you can't always predict or control a person's reactions, it's worth considering what you expect the other person to do or say and how that will affect your relationship. there is.
Another litmus test is whether you feel comfortable voicing those concerns to the person in question. Example: “I'd appreciate it if you could keep this between us. And if it changes the way you think about me, please let me know, because I value our friendship.'' .”Such.
Finally, prepare for the conversation itself and any follow-up questions your friend may ask. That is, do you want to reveal the amount received? “Most of the time you will be asked for an amount, and you need to have an answer that you feel comfortable with,” says Perry.
Given the vague nature of “six figures,” I think they don't want to reveal the amount. And that's the smart thing to do. People tend to stare blankly at certain numbers as if they had cash in their pockets. Given that this money is in a trust, most of it is probably invested and may not be easily accessible. So if people ask, Perry recommends saying something like, “It's several times my salary,” “It's six figures,” or “I'm still thinking about it, so I don't want to talk about it.” .
It's also important to be clear about how grateful you are to be in this fortunate position, says Jennifer Pendergast, a multigenerational family business consultant and professor at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management. say. “We need to remember humility and gratitude,” she says. “You can say things like: 'I'm so lucky that this member of my family is able to do that.' XAnd I made enough money to leave some of it to me in my will. Now I'm thinking about how to better manage this gift and use it productively. ”
Pendergast also points out that it doesn't necessarily have to be a big deal. “Most of your friends probably won't notice any changes in your life,” she says. This doesn't mean it's not a huge benefit – generational wealth is definitely an advantage – but hopefully it's just that and not a wedge in your relationships. .
The Cut's financial advice columnist Charlotte Cowles answers readers' personal questions about personal finance.Send us your money concerns by email mytwocents@nymag.com
